The 6th Word I Hung In The Trees



Knowing

Your words chase mine around my head,
corralling them,
nosing my hand towards my pen,
neglected of late, avoided even,
because I know, within me, it’s reach –
trust its ability to write the deepest parts of me
in a mere three minute sprint across the page.
Freed from right or wrong
it hits the sweet spot –
that cluster of words that chime with the notes
of an untold story, a new wonder, a brainstorm not yet fully realised,
diving with the grace of beings that belong,
that slip smoothly in-between currents.
 
I wouldn’t give it up for anything –
this ability to plunge.
But today, I am still not ready.

This poem follows on from the previous one I posted, Echoes which talks about the process of free writing in a group setting. This poem however is about my own personal experience of the process of free writing and my awareness of how deeply it reaches within me to allow me to process my thoughts and feelings.

I have been using this type of writing for over 10 years now and as a result it tends to dive down to the root of the issue I’m writing about very quickly. There are times however when I do not feel ready to confront the root cause of an issue – perhaps immediately after it has happened or if I’m aware it will involve an element of letting go which I’m not yet ready to do. On these occasions I find I don’t wish to use free writing because it will always tell me the truth. I find I cannot lie to myself in the midst of the flow! On these days it’s more important to be gentle with myself and to know that I will pick up the pen again when the time is right for me.

I found this a lot when I was in the initial stages of grieving for my mum. The pain was too raw to write about. And there are days now, during this pandemic, when my mood can be too low to want to confront, in black and white, the fear or the anxiety about what is happening and how events are impacting on others. On those occasions I use time in nature as my salve. But I know I will always come back to my writing again, when I am ready.